Exercising Faith

I have been in America for less than a month, but it feels like so much longer. My time at home has been nothing like what I expected. There have been so many twists and turns in my plans, in my heart, in my circumstances; all of it has left me feeling jumbled, but somehow centered.

This past Sunday I had the honor of praying with a woman from Iasis about areas of our lives in which we are exercising faith. It was a perfect question: My whole life is currently an exercise of faith. Everything I thought would happen next week… is not happening, or is not happening the way I thought it would. I’m not going to grad school. I’m not moving back to Memphis. I’m not going to be re-investing in person in the relationships in my Memphis community. I’m not going to be a part of Jacob’s Well this year.

Where does that leave me? It left me confident about staying in Fort Collins, excited about being near my family, wondering where to work, wondering what would come next, hopeful about continuing Memphis relationships from afar.

The theme of China continues: “I thought ________ but then _______.”

The scriptural counterpart goes something like this: 

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the desert.” 

(Isaiah 43:19)

I have been perplexed by the question: Do you not perceive it?

I don’t know… That depends on what exactly “it” is. Lord, I’m here, I’m waiting… What is it?

All I know right now is that my life is not my own, and any good thing will come from the Lord in His wisdom, not from me.

Whatever that means. Wherever that leads.

Okay. Here we go?

Closing Harbin

The past month has been a blur. There were so many things to do before we left Harbin, and so much sleep to get once I got home... Looking back it really is difficult to remember everything that happened.

Closing time in Harbin involved giving exams, getting grades done, writing notes to all of my students, having a lot of conversations and meals with students, doing fun and necessary things with teammates (like decorating gingerbread cookies at a restaurant... which made more sense than throwing them away, taking them home, or leaving them for the next team). Things were a little hectic and unpredictable as our departure got closer, and my last full day in Harbin brilliantly maintained the theme of "I thought .... but then.... " Here's the story:

On Tuesday, my student Jennifer sent me a message asking if we could "play together on Friday" with Rambo, Sherlock, and Ruth. She said something about going to the fairground (What is that?) and I told her that I had some plans for Friday, but I would tell her soon if I would be able to leave campus. The next day, Sherlock told me that Jennifer had a plan: "We will go to my house and cook food." Okay. That sounds like a wonderful honor. I'm in. Friday morning I saw my student/ good friend Elmo in the morning, catching up and taking pictures, and then I had lunch with another student. After lunch, I bought some fruit to take to Sherlock's home, because according to chinese custom, you don't show up to someone's home empty-handed, and fruit is always an appropriate gift. I met the group and we piled into a taxi to go to Sherlock's home. Forty minutes later we were on the opposite side of town, pulled over in front of the amusement park. "What are we doing here?"

Jennifer looked confused. "I told you we were going to the fairground." ... I thought we were going to Sherlock's house to cook. "Oh... we will go there after." The pieces all came together. Not at all frustrated (except by my purse full of fruit) I started laughing as I comforted Jennifer and assured her that, although I was surprised, I was certainly not upset. The whole thing still makes me laugh... and I am still bewildered by the communication fail that occurred. We had a great time on some rides, they sang me a song on the karaoke stage, and we headed to Sherlock's house to cook and enjoy our final dinner together in Harbin.

 

Jennifer, me, and Lolita

Leaving day was a day full of students and hugs and goodbyes, including our most emotional goodbyes at the train station as we said goodbye to our teacher friend, Sunny, to a favorite English major named Julia, and to Rambo, Sherlock, Ruth, and Rambo's soon-to-be-girlfriend. They bought tickets to go to the platform and help us with our luggage... to wait as long as possible to say goodbye.

The next week was a blur. A sleeper train, a couple days in Beijing, a day of travelling, and several days of jetlag bring us to this point where I can honestly say I'm happy to be home. :)

I miss my students; I miss my friends; I miss being constantly surrounded by people and living directly above a supermaket where food is really cheap; I miss fried green beans and chewy apple candy; I miss Chinese pop music; I miss Chinese hymns sung by choirs, by laypeople, and by a certain delightful woman who worked in dining hall 2.

But more than I miss all these things, I am grateful that they were a part of my life this year, and I am grateful that I serve Someone who is continuing to lead me forward into blessings, lessons, challenges -- seasons I cannot imagine, just as I could not have imagined this past season.


I don't know what's next. Well... I know I'm going to grad school, but let's face it: that's only a small part of the picture.

I hope you will continue to walk with me as I follow my Father into the unknown.